


You’d Be Lying

by CitrineLeaf



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: (Implied) Mental Health/Depression Issues, Carmen only gets mentioned, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Player is not ok, Player just wants to make his fucking noodles, but he has a 4am mental breakdown instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitrineLeaf/pseuds/CitrineLeaf
Summary: Player just wants to make his fucking noodles,Instead, you get a 4am mental breakdown.
Relationships: Player & Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Comments: 6
Kudos: 140





	You’d Be Lying

Numbly, Player tore open the packet of ramen noodles, dropping it carefully into the water. Next, he fumbled with the small flavour packet, but his hands were shaking so, so much and- and…The damn packet burst open within seconds

“ _Well, would you look at that?”_

. “Fuck!” He swore, slamming his hands down against the stovetop, in a loud move that would of shocked his best friends. Because kids don’t swear and adults don’t have tantrums. Because kids are dependent and dependent means useless, and he wasn’t, he wasn’t-!

“ _You made another mess again.”_

Because he wasn’t fucking useless!

Player squeezed his eyes shut and moved to press the palms of his hands against them. He took in a slow, shuddery breath. He wasn’t useless, he wasn’t useless! Useless, useless- USELESS!

“ _Isn’t that what they think about you?”_

Hot tears pressed against his cheeks and – fuck it, his dinner doesn’t need the flavouring, so Player slowly guides himself to the ground, because he cant- because his legs don’t want to work anymore, because not even his own body listened to him. 

“ _Why does she even bother with such a burden?”_

Player curled in closer on himself, hands flying up to hold against his ears, fingernails pressing into his head. (It might leave a bruise, but he doesn’t give a damn) He didn’t want to face the answer, because the answer wasn’t- because she would never think that about him, because it just… it wasn’t-

Carmen was strong, Carmen was confident, Carmen could face the entire world and literally punch it in the face. (They’d joked about it before) But him? Player was the polar-fucking-opposite. Player couldn’t fight, Player couldn’t be a leader, Player couldn’t do half the things she did. (For god sake, he couldn’t even talk to a god damn cashier without freaking out like a spaz-)

“ _How does she even take pity on someone as useless as you?_ ”

“Sh-shut up, shut up, shut up!” His voice couldn’t drown out his own damn thoughts, couldn’t stop the tears spilling down his face, and why should they? Nobody gave a fuck about whether or he was hurting, or cried, or-

Nobody fucking cared.

He sobbed, real, loud tears. The kind of tears you only see in real life, The snot-nosed, unrelenting storm of emotions kind of tears, the kind where you scream out your emotions.

And Player did. He was unsure of how long he cried, but it felt like hours until he finally ran out of tears. His eyes squeezed shut, entire body curled up tight against himself even without more tears to shed. Without all the emotions, without all the tears left to sob out in an endless stream, he just felt tired…

_“You can’t even cry properly, huh?”_

His shaky, messed up, breath hitched, more tears threatening to spill over from his eyes. He lifted his hands, fiercely wiping at his eyes and murmuring swears to quiet to hear.

However, something stopped him. 

It was the sound of water hitting something hot, the sound of steam being created, that finally whipped him back to reality. It took Player a moment to realize…

“THE NOODLES!” He leapt up with his exclamation, fumbling to turn off the burner to save the poor noodles. After he managed to rescue them, Player peered inside the pot, relieved to find that his noodles would still be salvageable, but that small mercy didn’t help his thoughts stop…

_“You can’t even cook properly, useless little-“_

It just distracted them.

**Author's Note:**

> Watch me sob violently into my cornflakes
> 
> The alternate title to this is “Player has a 4am mental breakdown” but like if any of you can name the song I’ll scream-
> 
> Sorry if this is out of character for him...


End file.
